Encouraging Word

Intro
Hi, this is Dorette Schaal with an encouraging word for your day. In the coming season, I will be spending several weeks on the subject of Loving Like Jesus. Last year, I did 7 weeks of concentrated study on our own love project, which encouraged us to walk in love, and exhibit the 7 main characteristics of a loving person. So as a review and follow up, we are going to spend this week being encouraged and motivated to walk in love and demonstrate love as a way of life. Together we can make love a way of life, and positively change our world. Here is your encouraging word about courtesy for today.

Monday
Have you seen the plaque that says “Be nice or leave”? My sister has one right by her back door and it cracks me up every time I read it. It is a reminder to have good manners at her house. This week we continue The Love Project, we are talking about courtesy. If you have ever had someone in your life who mistreated you on a regular basis, I’m sure that saying would be on your door too! Courtesy in relationships can make life much more pleasant. All the time, we are faced with angry people, people who are on edge, and truly people who are going through things we may never know about. You come across discourteous people everywhere, from the work place to Main Street. When we walk in love, we can become like a healing balm in tough situations. We can be courteous when others are rude. We can make a difference in our world, simply by our reactions. The new definition of courtesy from Gary Chapman’s book, Love as a Way of Life, that we will be looking at this week is this: courtesy is the act of treating everyone as if they were your personal friend. To be courteous, means to be friendly minded. Everyone we meet can be a potential friend, and is worthy of our friendship. They are someone who is worthy learning about and knowing. Every person has value, and as a person who is making love a way of life, you recognize it. Unfortunately, there are people who don’t treat their friends very nicely. There are people who don’t treat their families very nicely. But for the most part, if we value really value the people in our life, and really want to authentically love those we are in relationship with, courtesy is a valuable and necessary characteristic that we can model. Courtesy is a habit we can aquire, and we can learn to speak, act, and live courteously. As we begin this week, I challenge you, to listen to your words, watch your actions, and observe your own life. Can you get better in the area of loving authentically by being courteous. I know we all can. As it says in I Thes 5:15 we can be kind to one another!

Tuesday
This week the foundation of love we are talking about is courtesy. Courtesy has to do with our words, our actions and how we live our life. I Thes 5:15 tells us to make sure to be kind to one another and to everyone else. It isn’t talked about too often, but kindness and courtesy will get us very far in life. We live in a dog eat dog world, where people feel like they have to walk all over the next guy to get to the top. God’s system is exactly opposite. His Word tells us that when we humble ourselves, He will lift us up. Humility is next week’s topic, but it goes hand in hand with being courteous. We don’t have to be pushy and rude to experience success in life. God is our promoter, and walking in his ways, and obeying His commands will reap fabulous benefits in our life. Sometimes the biggest competitor to courtesy is busyness. Just in everyday life, we don’t have time to hold the door for someone else, or to help the elderly unload something from their cart to their car, or to give up our space in line for someone who has fewer items than us. It really boils down to overloaded schedules a lot of the time. So if we really want to operate in the foundational characteristic of love that demonstrates courtesy, we have to evaluate our schedules. Many of us are trying to cram way too much into one day. I would have to say guilty as charged! My own daily agenda can make me so focused on accomplishment, that good manners and courtesy are way down my list of priorities. Well, I know we all can do much better. Let’s begin today. Look for ways where you can become a more loving person by being more courteous. We can learn to express common courtesies to the people we love most, and even to those who we don’t know. Let’s start at home today. What do you think your family relationships will be like if we become more courteous right in your own house? Thank you and please are never out of date. Asking how you can help a family member, instead of demanding their help will make your home a much more loving environment. Why not start today!

Wednesday
In yesterday’s encouraging word, I challenged you to start operating in courtesy at home. Courtesy is one of the foundational characteristics of love that we are developing in the Love Project. Let’s get even more specific today. How can we take I Thes 5:15 that tells us to make sure to be kind to one another, and show courtesy in our closest relationships? Can you begin adopting attitudes of courtesy in your own home? Let me list a few and you think about each one.
How about letting everyone have their own voice? Never speak for each other
How about being a good listener? You can show empathy, just by taking time to listen
How about asking directly for what you want? Children and mates cannot read minds, don’t beat around the bush, so be direct, in a courteous way.
How about when you have a conflict, focus on finding a solution rather than being the winner.
If you need or want something, how about making requests, not demands?
Before you make a request for change, give two or three compliments to soften the conversation.
And here may be the biggest one….once a failure has been confessed and forgiven, don’t bring it up again.

As you were thinking about each one, I’m sure at least one of them hit close to home. It is amazing that even the tone of voice we have when we say something can make a request sound like a demand. The Bible says that a soft answer turns away wrath. When we make the choice to speak courteously with our voices in a soft tone, we will often stop arguments before they even start. We want our homes to be places of peace, not a war zone, and that can begin changing as we lower the volume. Another area of courtesy that hits very close to home is giving others your full attention. With the distractions that we have in our lives with TV, computers, cell phones, radios, and other chaos going on, to sit a listen, eye to eye can, with an open heart, can be a way of showing courtesy in our homes. So turn down the volume, and turn up your heart receptors! Let’s make love a way of life at home!

Thursday
Today we are going to talk about ways that we can develop an attitude of courtesy. If we really want to be known as Christ’s disciples, love will be at the core of who we are, and the foundational characteristic of courtesy will be part of who we are. Here are 9 ways that you be more courteous.

1) Seize the moment – Courtesy means acknowledging the presence or efforts of someone else. It can be as simple as remember birthdays, anniversaries, and sending thank you notes. Why not send a card to someone to encourage their day, or to let someone know you are praying for them while they are ill.
2) In the car – If we treated the person in the car next to us as our personal friend, driving would be a whole different experience! Pretend they are your friend, even if they have been rude to you.
3) Be a good neighbor – Courtesy is a synonym for being a good neighbor. The ones we live around can benefit from us being courteous to them.
4) On the cell phone- Learn that the person in your presence is more important than a call you might be receiving. Using courtesy about where and when to speak on your phone is important too!
5) Make the right choice – It is more satisfying to act in courtesy than to react in anger. It also takes less time and less energy in the long run. Treat annoyances as opportunities for grace.
6) Receive graciously – Courtesy is just saying thank you and being genuinely thankful when you are given something.
7) When giving bad news- Unpleasant things happen in life, be courteous even when we have to inform someone of something unpleasant.
8) Asking for forgiveness – We all make mistakes. Courtesy calls for us to put ourselves in the other person’s place, and to apologize in the most loving way.
9) Paying attention – When we are not tuned in to other’s conversations or actions, we are telling them by our actions that we don’t think they are valuable.
Put some of these into practice in your life today. We can make love a way of life everyday!

Friday
Today as we look at courtesy as one of the foundational characteristics of love, we are going to discuss practical ways to speak with courtesy. We’ve discussed attitudes of courtesy, and actual ways to demonstrate a courteous response this week. Today we are going to talk about speaking with courtesy. As we well know, the words we speak have the power of life or death. We can lift and build, or we can devalue and destroy with the words that come out of our mouth. As disciples, who are known by our love, our words should always be to lift and encourage. We should practice courtesy with our words. Here are some practical ways to do that.
1) Be the initiator of a conversation – Find some common ground with someone and start a conversation. You are saying to them that they are valuable, and worth knowing.
2) Give undivided attention – When you make eye contact with a person, your mind is less likely to wander, and you are communicating that you value the other person.
3) Listen for understanding – Take time to discover what the person is trying to communicate before you respond. When you do disagree, express your views as a friend or as a team mate, not as an enemy or someone who is trying to win.
4) Soft tones turn away wrath – the Bible says just that! When we raise our voice, or name call, or use harsh, condemning words, we are not operating in courtesy.
5) When you disagree, do it gracefully – We can reject ideas, without rejecting people.
6) Apologize when needed – it’s not too late to apologize! When we do speak rudely, a sincere apology will deepen and mend a relationship rather than destroy it.
Let the words of my mouth be courteous oh Lord! We can say that and pray that, and live it!

Eword for kids Saturday
Hi kids, today we are talking about courtesy as one of the attributes of love. Do you know that courtesy or good manners can get you far in life! I know you don’t have a manners class at school, but maybe we should have one here. I know when I was growing up, there were certain things that I was taught to do, and not to do to be courteous. Maybe your parents have taught you the same things. Here are some reminders:
Always say thank you!
Always say please!
Don’t talk with food in your mouth!
Ask permission before using someone else’s things
Don’t take the biggest piece, or go first unless someone says you can
Try every kind of food. Don’t reject any food without giving it a try
Knock before entering a room
Work first before play
Treat your relatives with respect
Take turns without complaining and whining
Don’t interrupt – if you need someone’s attention and they are talking, our signal is for my kids to touch my arm if it is really important.
No caps at the dinner table….come properly dressed too
Look people in the eye when you talk to them
Ask to be excused from the table
Clean up after yourself
Be kind to everyone
Treat others like you like to be treated

That may seem like a long list, but those are just common courtesies. Your family might have other specific guidelines, but if you start practicing just those, you will be way down the road. Courteous people are better drivers, get better jobs, keep cleaner spaces and are more pleasant to be around. It is not too hard to begin becoming more courteous, and having better manners, especially with God on our side, and His love on the inside of us. Be blessed this week as you show courtesy to everyone you meet.

Sunday
As we look at how we can be more courteous in our relationships, it is becoming more evident that courtesy takes time and effort, and really begins when we decide to be selfless. In a selfish world, we are going against the grain. But Christians should be distinctly different from the world, not in a flaky or obnoxious way, but we should be the most loving and courteous people around! As we finish talking about courtesy, I want you to think about these things. Do you agree with these statements?
1) All people are valuable. That applies to every race, every age, and every station in life.
2) All people have the potential to be a part of positive relationships. Do you believe that people can change their behavior? Even if they have been a knot head or irrational, can God really change people’s lives?
3) All people are facing some sort of struggle. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once said, “Every man has secret sorrows, which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” Faces don’t always or even often tell the story of what is going on inside of a person.
4) All people need love. What the world needs now, is love sweet love! We do need to be loved. It is one of the basic human needs in life. Let’s be lovers!
5) Everyone’s life can be enriched by courtesy. Even the most discourteous people you run across can become softer if they are treated courteously.

I hope you know that you are valuable and that you can have positive relationships. If you are facing difficult circumstances, I want you to know that circumstances can change! God is for you, and I believe in you. God’s love is here for you, and it is in you to show to others. Courtesy can change us, and those we come into contact with. Be encouraged today!